Having a family was something I always wanted and I’ve known deep down I was meant to be a mom. I was the neighborhood babysitter, the responsible older sister, and the friend that made sure everyone was safe – taking care of others is in my blood, it’s just me. So naturally having kids someday was never something I worried about, I knew it was going to be a big part of my life and it’s something I’ve thought about so much. I’ve thought about finding the perfect guy/future husband, how many kids I want, what kind of mom I’ll be, whether my kids will have my hair/nose/eyes/weird quirks, and things like that. I never really thought about the possibility of what could go wrong in the process of actually getting pregnant or how my body will react. I mean let’s be honest; when we are young we spend years making sure we don’t “accidentally” get pregnant at the wrong time. So how is it that when you are ready (you’ve got the great husband, beautiful house, dog, etc.) and it seems like the perfect time, things all start to become shall we say….. dysfunctional?

Enter PCOS. For those that may not be familiar with what PCOS is, it stands for Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and it’s a hormonal disorder. In short, it makes getting pregnant on your own very, very difficult and sometimes impossible. The symptoms can be different for every woman who has it so I won’t go into too much detail, but for me, the telling signs were my hormone imbalances, irregular menstrual cycles (or shall I say lack thereof), and failure to ovulate on my own. For lack of better words, my eggs were quite stubborn and just did not want to release and go through the natural monthly process. Great right?

According to my doctor, they really aren’t sure where PCOS comes from and how it’s developed. It’s possible that it’s genetic but it’s not really in my family history (or at least not that we know of) and my mom popped out 3 healthy babies starting at age 24 so there weren’t any problems there. My doctor also said is it’s more common in people who are overweight, obese, and/or diabetic, which was not me so that threw me for a loop. When my doctor told me to make sure I exercise and eat healthy to reduce any future complications (like obesity & diabetes), my jaw almost hit the ground. OMG hello fitness is my life and it was about to be a career I dive into full time so this to me made no sense. I’m very conscious of what I eat (no I’m not perfect 100% of the time and never will be) making sure I’m fueling my body with the nutrients it needs and I workout 6-7 times a week. I’m a fitness instructor, personal trainer, and online fitness coach so to tell me to make sure I’m getting enough exercise and eating right is like telling a bird to fly, it’s what I do.

“I never really thought about the possibility of what could go wrong in the process of actually getting pregnant or how my body will react.”

After doing SO many tests through my OBGYN, she finally decided she didn’t have the resources to help me get pregnant & sent me to an IVF doctor. So there we were my husband and I, sitting down for our first appointment with our new doctor and I just sat there & listened to all the recommended testing & options in awe. My head was spinning with all the additional tests I needed to do and all the options we had going forward, it was all so overwhelming to take in but most of all I just felt inadequate as a woman. Reproducing is the one thing we are meant to do, it’s what our bodies are made for and it’s something that just wasn’t happening for me. Why? I think that’s the one question that just kept popping into my head every day, what the hell is wrong with me? With my body? After all life has thrown at me, why does having a baby also have to be a difficult journey?

I remember walking out of one of our appointments and before we could get to the car, I broke down & started crying on my husband’s shoulder. I was tired of getting poked & prodded every week with something new & scared of what the future held for us & how long this process would take. The unknown scared me. He just looked at me and said no matter what we will get through this together and he will be there for me every step of the way. His love & support meant the world to me and it’s what got me through it all, he is the only one who knew everything I went through and the struggles that came with it. My mom and sister also knew what I was going through but it was very hard to open up to anyone about it & talk about it, it’s something so personal and emotional that I kept most of it to myself. I think that’s how a lot of women feel when going through something like this and it wasn’t until the end of our journey that I realized how many women actually have PCOS and struggle with getting pregnant, it blew my mind. But I share my story to give hope to other women who have found themselves in a similar position because our struggle does have a happy ending…..

As I write this, I am currently 33 weeks pregnant and in my third trimester! After going through weeks of medication (we used a medication called Femara), we FINALLY had success & I will never forget the call I got from the doctor telling me I was pregnant! I was in shock and couldn’t believe it actually WORKED!! In that moment I felt a sense of relief, excitement, love, and then…. holy sh$t I’m having a baby!!! I looked down at my stomach with a huge smile on my face and felt so much love for this little human that started to grow in my belly. It was truly a magical moment.