When my baby boy was born, my goal was to breastfeed until 6 months and then I would re-evaluate. So on the day Ricky turned 6 months, I felt so many emotions! First off, how did that happen?? I swear I gave birth to him yesterday and he was just a tiny, sleepy little thing. Now he is a half a year old and I need time to SLOW down. These days my arms feel like they are going to fall off from holding my growing little boy (yes I’m working on building my bicep strength!) who I swear gets cuter by the day. And those smiles, laughs, and giggles he does all the time just melt my heart in a way I never thought possible. I could listen to him giggle all day long! Along with all the love and joy I felt, I also felt very proud of a big accomplishment that I didn’t think would happen…..breastfeeding until 6 months!!

As a first time mom, so many changes happen when you have a baby, it’s pretty overwhelming (in the best way possible of course). Your body just went through this crazy, amazing experience of pregnancy for 9 months and then experiences giving birth – WHOA!! For me, I ended up having a C-section since my little guy was breech so I was recovering from major surgery (I have never had surgery prior to this). Add in all the hormonal changes, the 20-30 minutes it takes to help the baby latch on every 1.5-2 hours (can we talk about how 1-2 people are pushing & pulling on my boobs to help this process??), chapped nipples, all the new parenting information thrown at you from nurses/doctors, the lack of sleep, and of course the new responsibility of caring for this adorable little person and you are now entering into a whole new world. The world of parenting.

Ricky was born two weeks early at 6lbs 13 oz. and lost a full pound within the first five days of his life so there was a heavy focus on helping him gain weight. I was trying SO hard to be successful at breastfeeding and increase my supply so he could gain weight and felt like I was failing at it over and over again. The latching got better and I think in general Ricky figured out how to latch pretty quick but there were MANY frustrating moments when my husband had to help and he just wouldn’t stay latched on. Ricky would cry in hunger and I would cry in frustration and the whole thing was just stressful. I tried to pump in between feedings to increase my supply and I was barely getting anything, it was beyond frustrating. After searching for ways to increase supply, I drank mother’s milk tea, bought brewer’s yeast, and ate so much oatmeal. I was feeding him SO much, every 1.5 to 2 hours all day and all night and he would still cry out in hunger after most feedings. That was probably the worst part. I felt like all I did was feed him 24/7, I was a constant milk machine that could do nothing else other than breastfeed. It felt like only five minutes passed before it was time to feed him again. I barely had time to eat, go to the bathroom, and shower if needed. As most moms do, I had to really strategize and plan for a shower and I felt on top of the world if it actually happened. Even after all this work and feeding, the pediatrician still wanted to see him gaining more weight and recommended we supplement with formula and recommended I eat more to help my supply. This was a common theme at all his appointments in the first 3 months and I always felt defeated after each one, like I just couldn’t do enough. Why wasn’t my milk satisfying enough? Why am I even going through all this if he has to get formula anyway?

Just when I thought his weight gain was our biggest struggle, breastfeeding actually became painful. I believe it started when he was 4-5 weeks old but all of the sudden I felt this burning sensation and increased sensitivity on my nipples every time he ate (especially when he latched on) and pretty much all day long in between feedings. IT WAS AWFUL. Just when my chapped nipples healed and he was getting good at latching, this new pain came and I had no idea what was going on. I went to the doctor and she didn’t know either, she sympathized with me but there wasn’t much she could do other than give me a prescription nipple cream. I read all about thrush, plugged ducts, and mastitis thinking it could be one of those but the doctor ruled them out. I just felt even more defeated and very much alone. I actually started DREADING every feeding and was feeling pretty depressed about it. I remember looking at my mom when I was feeding him and said “I hate breastfeeding.” She exclusively breastfed us and remembers loving it so she couldn’t relate but felt so bad that I was struggling so much. I was on the verge of giving up, I just couldn’t take it anymore. But there was still a small part of me that didn’t want to give in just yet. I’m a fighter and I don’t give up easy so I had to really dig deep to find that part of me to get me through the pain & struggles I faced.

“I was on the verge of giving up, I just couldn’t take it anymore.”

I don’t know how it happened or how I healed but one day (seriously when I was to my breaking point), the pain started to decrease and it hurt less and less. I was using the prescription nipple cream religiously so it could have been that or maybe whatever it was healed but either way, I was SO relieved! Being able to start experiencing breastfeeding without chapped nipples, inability to latch, or pain was AMAZING. It was still pretty time consuming and I still felt like a big fat cow at times, but this really started giving me some hope that I could reach my 6 month goal and continue giving my baby all the nutrients he needs! As time went on, it got better and better and before I knew it (time really does fly with a little one!), he turned 6 months and I felt like a breastfeeding rockstar!! 🙂 I also resumed pumping around 3.5 months and was actually getting more and was able to start freezing some for back up. I didn’t pump a ton during the day (to make sure he had enough at each feeding) so once Ricky started sleeping through the night, I got up in the middle of the night to pump since that’s when I got the most. It wasn’t easy and of course I just wanted to sleep through the night since he was, but it was one of the only ways I could stock up. We needed it to add to his rice cereal, on the days when I taught classes or trained a client, and on some occasions when we went out for dinner and I just wanted to try and enjoy the meal rather than breastfeed through it.