Have you ever felt like you were losing control of just about everything in your life? A moment where you just stop and think – what the hell just happened? I went from a happy family of five & beginning my college life to complete heartbreak, a grieving family, leaving college, a break up, and complete loneliness.

Food seems to be the one thing of comfort in times of loss and it’s what people bring to each other to try and provide some comfort.  We were no exception and there was always an array of food at our house from various friends & neighbors (which of course was extremely generous of them all!) and when you are sad & lonely, turning to food is a pretty good option. Especially if you are someone like me and finds comfort in just about any homemade dessert. So I ate and ate and ate and I honestly can’t remember if I worked out at all in the first several months. I don’t really remember much right after everything happened but I do remember eating A LOT and not caring much about it. I figured well my life is a disaster, everyone is upset all the time, and nothing really makes me feel better except when I’m eating. Thank god I was born with good genes and have a lean frame because the eating just became mindless and the only thing I looked forward to. It wasn’t until one day when I joked around with a friend about eating too much dessert & how I think I gained 10 lbs when I realized he wasn’t joking with me in return. He was just silent & it hit me – I am putting all of my feelings into food and in the midst of my grief I didn’t even realize what I was doing to my body. Now I have not only lost control of my life but my body & I felt MISERABLE about it.

It was then that I realized the only thing I did have control over was my body and I went in the complete opposite direction. I stopped all this crazy eating and became VERY strict with myself. I was so mentally focused and determined to take control that I avoided carbs like the plague, swore off dessert (I had a south beach diet bar anytime I craved chocolate thinking that was healthier), and filled up on TONS of veggies and protein. I started dropping weight very quickly and became obsessive over what I ate. To this day I’m not sure how I was so strict with myself but I have to attribute it to my mental focus – no matter how tempted I was, I never let myself off the hook because I felt that manipulating my food & my body was the only thing I could control. I wanted to see how far I could go and I was going down a very dangerous path. I was at my lowest weight ever and it almost became a game of how much I could keep losing. People started to make comments here and there about it but I just blew it off and thought this was my body and my choice; I don’t care what anyone else thinks.

I don’t know what I was trying to prove but luckily I did start to come out of the slippery slope I was on with the help of a friend, but to this day I do struggle with reverting back to food when I’m emotional. That still goes both ways – I either eat my feelings or I don’t eat at all. It depends on my mood. I tell you this because first off you may relate to emotional eating and second from the outside looking in, you may think oh she has never struggled with food or weight and it must be easy for her but it’s not. I may not have a daily weight struggle now but it’s because I have found that healthy balance and you better believe I work really hard to keep that. It’s why I’m so passionate about helping others find that balance too, it’s not easy but it’s worth it.

And always remember my friends, when in doubt, sweat it out. 🙂